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My 5 Favorite Phrases People Have Googled That Led to My Blog

July 30, 2010

For any of you who are familiar with the WordPress blogging site, there’s a feature where you can see the specific phrases  that people have put into a search engine which ultimately led them to your blog.  Here are my 5 favorite phrases that directed people toward my blog.

1) “is my bladder ruined?”

This is simultaneously sad and hilarious.  I feel bad for and am laughing directly at the person that searched this, because obviously something terrible happened to their urinary system, to the point where they think they had damaged their bladder beyond repair.  The money I would pay to know how this occurred and what exactly was happening to this person at the time of this search.

2) “Sex xxx”

This person either just hit puberty five minutes before this search or is really terrible at searching for internet porn.  This is way too general of a search; you’ve got to be more specific if you want to get anywhere.  I have a feeling this also may have been the product of someone teaching grandpa how to use a search engine and he tried it on his own, but wasn’t prepared for how vast and complicated the pornography market is these days.

3) “peed my wedgie”

I don’t really have much to say about this.  I think it speaks for itself.

4) “dog nipple”

Under what circumstances would you need more information on a dog’s nipple?  I think any reasonably intelligent human being understands the purpose of nipples, and would not need to search the internet to know that nipples don’t do different things on different species, although that would be kind of awesome.

5) “Michael Larrick”

This one just made me feel good :)

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. July 30, 2010 3:52 am

    Once I got someone who searched “how to fuck a chicken.” They stuck around for 12 minutes…

  2. July 30, 2010 4:14 am

    Those are pretty excellent!

    Blogger recently added stats – and I’m obsessed.

    My favourites on my blog so far are:

    1) porm bestmovi (This led them to a post about best Prom movies – I think they were looking for porn though)

    2) Jay Baruchel looks like Joe Strummer

    3) i am done dinner (why would you google this?)

    4) quarter-life crafts etsy (I hate to toot my own horn, but someone actually searched for my etsy!)

    5) boypost.com (wtf?)

  3. July 30, 2010 6:11 pm

    LOL awesome!!! :D

  4. July 31, 2010 12:49 am

    interesting list of google results

  5. Duffman permalink
    July 31, 2010 2:43 am

    Haha this can’t be real…peed my wedgie is an instant classic though…

  6. August 3, 2010 2:02 am

    Awesome.

    My top 3 (because most of them are painfully mundane):

    1. “is skinny dipping with friends cheating?” (glad to share my knowledge on this important subject)
    2. “sumo slam”
    3. “minus vision pregnancy” (yeah, I don’t know either).

  7. August 5, 2010 3:14 pm

    Hey

    Great blog post. Alough it should come with a warning label since I nearly spat out my mug of tea while reading ;) lol.

    This post really cheered me up this afternoon!

    LisaMarie
    -x-

  8. overtheprairies permalink
    August 5, 2010 10:34 pm

    Ha! This is hilarious. I’m sorta new to blogging and am still trying to catch on to wordpress…I didn’t know you could do it. Thanks for the tip and laugh!

  9. August 10, 2010 6:22 pm

    Dude this is HYSTERICAL. First of all – I work in Interactive Marketing and one of my teams favorite, favorite, FAVORITE things to do is “negative keyword research.” This is where you go into the search terms that led people to your site, identify the absolute off the wall crazy ones, and then add them to your Google Adwords “Negative Keyword” list so that they may never find your site this way again.

    I work for a school and so far my favorites include: “Where can my very stupid daughter go to school?” – “Vampire school” – and “Mortician Degree.”

    I recommend adding the “dog nipple” to your negative keywords (if you have an Adwords account) but leaving “peed my wedge” – with just a little bit of search engine optimization you may very well end up owning that term. :)

  10. August 11, 2010 4:11 am

    Omg love this! Hilarious!!!

  11. August 11, 2010 12:26 pm

    ha ha i love this!! looking that it is funny to know what people actually search for, like the dog nipple, WTF is that about really and what the real question is, is how the hell is that linked to your blog? have you been writing about dog nipples lol

  12. mylifeonrepeat permalink
    August 13, 2010 2:02 am

    Peed my wedgie? I mean, why would people search this shit? I don’t know what’s going on with mine lately, but random insurance and virus sites look at my page from time to time. Love your blog, still, and will keep reading. I love laughing. It’s magical.

    Sarah

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