Not Funny

I don’t claim to be the funniest person in the world, but I feel I have a decent grasp on what is humorous and what is not.  I often say something that I believe will be funny, but once it leaves my brain and comes out of my face, I realize its lack of comedic value and I feel a great amount of shame.  It happens to the best of us.

We can all agree that the worst kind of person is one that is not funny in the least, but believes they are hilarious and has the uttermost confidence in their comedic material.  Generally these types of people do these awful things.

“Boy, you sure look different!“

You may notice that people often put pictures of people that are not them as their default picture on Facebook, often Lil’ Wayne or other popular figures.  There’s nothing wrong with that, but often their friends will try to show how funny they are by commenting on the picture in this manner:

“Boy, you sure acquired a lot of tattoos and got a lot tanner since I last saw you!”

These are the types of people that message you on Facebook chat and rather than talk to them, you sign off Facebook for 45 minutes and watch TV until you’re sure they’ve logged off.  Delete your Facebook and die.

“Run Forrest, Run!”

Yes, Forrest Gump is one of the best films of all time and his fondness of running was a key part of the story.  That doesn’t give you the right to scream out “run Forrest, run!” anytime you see someone running and not get punched in the throat.  That person was just trying to get a little exercise and now they have to put their health to the side to come kick your ass for being such a d-bag.  An even worse move is replacing Forrest with the target’s name.

“Ohhh! I see what you did there! It’s like that movie where that guy runs, and they say ‘Run guy, run’!  But see, here’s where your genius and unmatched creativity comes in!  I’m Michael, so you said ‘run Michael, run!’ HAHAHAHA HOLY SHIT! THAT IS FUNNY! How did you come up with that?!  I can’t even comprehend how funny you are!  I don’t hate you at all!”

“Stop Undressing Me with Your Eyes”

As funny as it is to accuse people of sexual harassment for simply looking at you while you were talking, it’s not safe to assume that anyone wants to do this to you ever.  You’re gross and everyone has been looking you in the eyes to avoid this accidentally happening, not because they care about what you’re saying.  No attractive person ever says this; it’s always a person who would accuse someone of sexual harassment just to hear the word “sexual” and their name close to each other.

Making lists of things that aren’t funny

Hmmm…shit.