I know this is the face I make when I’m trying to listen to the distance between the pops of my popcorn while radiation from my microwave slowly seeps into my skull.
My LinkedIn account is really coming together. I think it's time to start wearing a suit casually. Ready to be an adult. 2 days ago
Sorry I haven't been answering your texts, I just don't have enough time to acknowledge you as a person. *takes selfie while driving* 2 days ago
Jokes at touchdown on U Street now now now 3 days ago
RT @UNTRESOR: "911, what's your emergency?" "Arrested Development isn't on yet." "Sir, that's not an emergency." "I'm white." "We're sendin… 3 days ago
I have the Original Power Rangers' Fan Club video on VHS if anyone wants to hang out. 3 days ago
If you’re not feeding a brain tumor, you’re doing it wrong.