Amateur

Usually when someone says they’re an amateur at something, it tends to mean that they don’t have the drive or skill to pursue it professionally.  It’s ok to have a casual hobby, but they’ll throw the amateur in there to make it seem like they’re on the cusp of making it to the next level.  These people enjoy making everyone aware of how talented they think they are more actually doing the activity itself.

“I don’t know if you know this, but I’m an amateur painter.”

No you’re not, you just paint shit sometimes.

Amateur Photographer

What does that mean? You bought a camera? Having the disposable income to purchase a $2,000 SLR doesn’t make you a photographer, it just means the pictures of you getting hammered and pissing yourself at your work’s fundraiser at Chili’s will be a little nicer to look at while you untag them Sunday morning.

 Amateur DJ

Holy shit! You own an iPod and you listen to Deadmau5?! You’re practically in Daft Punk.

 Amateur Cyclist

Apparently, if you buy an expensive bike, a matching set of fertility-crushing tights and a helmet, you can ride your bike in the middle of the god damn road during rush hour.  It’s hard enough to drive and play Angry Birds as it is, not to mention when you’re dodging middle-aged men with visible ass-sweat. You can pedal towards your impending death on the bike path, buddy.

There’s no shame in having no impressive abilities that set your apart from the norm; someone has to imprint the M on my McGriddle.