I'm going to start a Kickstarter so I can teach my hamster to use Snapchat and make me Irish Car Bombs. 8 hours ago
*laughs at passed out friend* Haha, he doesn't have an alcohol dependency like the rest of us. Let's draw a dick on his face 8 hours ago
Wanna go to the club this weekend? By that I mean go to Chucke Cheese and make it rain on single moms with tickets I won from skee ball. 12 hours ago
If you're in a stall between two other guys, they get all weird when you reach down, grab one of their shoes and start yelling "POOP PARTY!" 12 hours ago
I said that I wanted to go to a farmer's market out loud and I turned so white I disappeared. 13 hours ago